There seems to be two extremes when it comes to dealing with negative emotions. One is letting them out constantly and the other is bottling them up to the maximum. The second option may seem like the worst thing you can do to yourself, and while I don’t necessarily agree with the first option either -especially since there is a time and space for taking liberty in expressing your emotions- I always believed that buried emotions are a time-ticking bomb that will implode at any given moment. But is that always the case?

There is no shame in accepting your feelings, we are complex human beings and our emotions don’t have to always make sense, feelings don’t always come from a single source, triggers and traumas exist as well. 

The ABCs of Emotional Resolution: Acceptance, Balance, Change.

It is in this resolution that I believe lies the secret of dealing with a tsunami of emotions, -in the sense of figuring out whether to express or suppress them- especially one from a past that no longer exists, yet harbors a great presence in our lives.

Emotions bottling up and later imploding depends on whether the issue has been resolved. 

If the issue does have a solution but you’re just scared to take the action or you’re wary of the consequences, then it does bottle up. Because it’s like a constantly bleeding wound that demands your attention. You know that there’s something you can do but you’re just not doing it, which creates an anxiety that worsens with time. It’s why procrastination feels so bad; it’s the anxiety related to not doing what needs to be done.

But not every problem has a solution, or at least a tangible one. Sometimes the solution happens in your mind. Maybe it’s changing your perspective, reframing the situation, and changing your mindset. Or simply, it could be an issue where the key factor is time, where the solution is dependent on it and there is nothing to be done in the present. In this case, the worsening of emotions depends on how you feel about the thing; whether you’re experiencing resistance or acceptance. But acceptance doesn’t guarantee happiness,  all it means is that you think “this is what’s happening and that’s all there is to it.” Yes, you will recall the thing sometimes and get sad, but making the right decision doesn’t ensure happiness either.

It’s not a bad thing to put a problem -whether past or ongoing- on the back burner. To put it behind for a while and to work on something else instead, to pour your time and energy into a different thing. To focus on the future because by working on it, you’re getting closer to the future and farther from the past. You start to feel better about life, yourself, and about everything you’re doing. Because having a goal brings joy. There is joy in the struggle for something worthwhile. In the mere act of doing what makes your heart sing and what truly aligns with your soul.

Here is what Leila Hormozi, who runs a 200M$ portfolio of businesses, and is someone I personally admire, said about this:

“People were always telling me, you’ve got to resolve things with your mom, you’ve got to figure out these things, and like, I’ve been to therapy in and out and talked to plenty of life coaches about all of these things about my mother and I constantly felt like it was just reopening something that I would never find a resolution to. The more that I focused on working on my future, the less the past had power over me and the less relevant it was to my life.”

What You Focus On Expands.

Having a goal to work towards is everything in life. 

I feel like not having hope, not having a goal to work for, an ideal to strive for, not having a beautiful future to fight for, is what’s truly making people so miserable in their lives. So in dancing through life with an expansive mindset, acceptance comes more naturally because your focus is somewhere else, and what you focus on, expands. What you give attention to, grows. Everything feeds on your attention and gets bigger and stronger. 

Having a vision, with small actionable steps, in a way in which you progress and improve, and that feeling of constant expansion is what creates fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

💖 Let’s connect!

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📝Author’s Note:

Greetings to the void, once again.

As Alex Hormozi says, you have to reframe the no into a yes. And that’s exactly what I did when I decided to give something up that wasn’t serving me in favor of exactly this, what I’m doing right now.
Because saying no to one thing is saying yes to another thing.
And I always want to be saying yes to my values and what I align with. Even if it means a thousand no’s.

The point: don’t be scared to say no.

Leila,

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